The Keogh is our own award that anonymously (sometimes) identifies total incompetence and/or shrewd cunning exhibited in a formal setting. It is named in honour of Mr. John Michael Keogh of Hawthorn, Victoria. John was granted an innovation patent for his "Circular Transportation Facilitation Device" in 2001. He was jointly, with the Australian Patents Office (IP Australia), awarded an Ig Nobel Prize for Technology. A parody of the Nobel Prizes, the Ig Nobel Prizes are awarded each year for ten achievements that "first make people laugh, and then make them think". It is worth reading his stunning application.
He was granted a patent for the wheel some 5,500 years after it was invented. This is just magnificent incompetence on the part of IP Australia; and cunning strategy to test the less stringent approval process; it would be interesting to see what type of cat the official was and to recognise his contribution here.
We have not identified the person and have obfuscated the location but the circumstances are absolutely true.
Background: Client "Benjamin Hearn" had three drink drive convictions in 10 years. The Magistrate's Court website (we are not lawyers, remember) indicates that it is mandatory for the magistrate to impose a minimum four year interlock condition. Mr. Hearn received a $900 fine and around $100 in court costs. This is a Keogh moment.
Winners: We award jointly the following:
1. Magistrate "Barry Palmer" - a 30 + year law veteran who cannot even impose a mandatory sentence. Now Mr. Hearn has to obtain fresh reports, attend another hearing to restore his licence knowing that it cannot happen; it must be a minimum of four years Interlock condition. Plus another day wasted at the "Moe" Magistrates Court.
2. Solicitor "Clemente Beneventi" who did not advise Mr. Hearn that this is what he could expect when he pleaded guilty to the third charge.
3. The Police prosecution resource who just read out charges with zero understanding of what they mean and did nothing to persue the argument that the sentence was mandatory.
Comment: Who supervises Magistrates? When was the last assessment done? Who can Mr. Hearn complain to? Who is the boss? This laughable case is where people should be totally held to account. If we were in charge, Mr. Palmer would be suspended for one year for bringing the system ito disrepute by negligent incompetence; unable to think. If it was a hot day, we would retire him.
Theresa May, British PM. From The Irish Times: "Having run an astonishingly inept campaign, she immediately demonstrated her utter lack of negotiating skills by declaring a deal with the Democratic Unionist Party before one had been agreed."
Comment: It is reassuring to realise that we still have common ties with The Mother Country. Inept Prime Ministers with worse alternatives..... Meets the Keogh criteria.
Previous Winner: We love this one:
The Australia Post outlet, located at 117 Glenferrie Road Malvern Victoria, used to have two post boxes on wheels at the entrance of the shop. The Postmaster withdrew them from service as they became "too heavy".
Comment: What a loser. A very worthy winner of the Keogh Award. No names disguised here!